This is how I start my day. I usually wake up before Sasha, when Daddy gets home from work. He gets home around 8:00 am or so. There for a bit, she was sleeping in late and we were staying up late at night together. Lately we have been on an earlier schedule. I leave for work just before 11:00 am. I come home for half an hour to eat lunch and nurse Sasha. Sometimes I have to run a quick errand after I get off work at 8:00 pm. Lately if I do that, Sasha usually falls asleep right after I get home. Tonight she fell asleep in Daddy's arms before I got home. And while I did nurse her when I got home, she is down for the night. I need a little time to unwind before bed, so she sleeps near me, on the floor.
Today it is really hitting me how little time I get with her through the week. We get around 3 hours in the morning. Then half an hour at lunch. If we're lucky, we get an hour or two at night. Sometimes her sleep schedule shifts, but I'd bet the actual time together doesn't change much. I just hadn't noticed as much when our larger chunk of time together was at night.
That is only 4-5 hours per day. That pains me! No wonder I long for her so much when we're apart! It is no wonder that I hold her constantly when I'm home! How do I still consider myself an attachment parent when I spend so little waking time with my baby?? We do sleep side-by-side and she does wake to nurse through the night. So we do get more close contact than that schedule lets on, but... this is no good.
Lately I find myself wondering if it would be an improvement to work in the middle of the night. I wouldn't be there for night nursing... and I'd surely have to nap during the day. Working is working is working. Full time is full time. I like being the bread winner of the family... and I feel that, for me, the time away from home keeps me from being a totally obsessed mother. I like to think it is good for all three of us. Days like today, though, I wonder.
