Family Tradition Origins

Welcome to the December Carnival of Natural Parenting: Let's Talk Traditions

This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Carnival of Natural Parenting hosted by Code Name: Mama and Hobo Mama.

Please read to the end to find a list of links to the other carnival participants.

***

Where do our traditions originate? I have some odd Giftmas traditions that originated out of a sort of necessity / convenience when I was a child of a single mother. My parents divorced before I can remember and my father managed to make more "happen" on Giftmas morning (read: Santa was very good to us), so I almost always spent that holiday with him. Because of that, we opened gifts at my mom's place the day before the day before Christmas (December 23rd). During my last marraige, we actually started opening gifts between the adults a day earlier than that, then let the kids open on the 23rd. That left Christmas Eve open for all the family visiting and other gifts. We both had divorced parents, so this convenience / necessity was just expanded. Now I'm remarried and my husband loves opening pressies early!

Even living close together, I only see most of my family for special occasions. So there I was... Thanksgiving day, chatting with my brother at the family gathering. I was trying to explain why I wasn't going to see our mother when I was clearly at our father's. After I stumbled through the topic, I finally settled upon the real reason. I was at my dad's because I felt like I was supposed to be there. He completely related with me on that point! Now mind you, I don't mean I felt like I "belonged" there but quite literally like I was supposed to be there. This may be one of those misplaced obligations I've been trying to unlearn as of late. So when we are living on the road, perhaps I won't come home for Thanksgiving after all. My mother was very understanding that it is an important gathering to my dad. My stepmother has family come in from all over the central United States for Thanksgiving these days! My mom usually goes to her sister's house. I haven't gotten together with my maternal extended family since... well, since I was old enough to decide where I was going. I guess they just didn't manage to instill in me a sense of obligation. Good for them!

Birthdays, however, are a fairly big deal. Misplaced obligation or not, I just cannot be the reason for a child's birthday to not be special. I don't always want to go, but I usually do if at all possible. I may not spend much, but I love finding the perfect gift. I gave my 14yo niece a hand-me-down Elvis blanket. She flipped out! It was obviously the favorite gift of the day! I beamed, I was so excited to have done so well. I was broke, so it was even better that I figured out something I had that she would love.

my sister and niece with EGGS

For me, I feel like the most important extended-family tradition is Easter. Every year we gather at my dad's place the night before Easter and dye eggs. This particular tradition has become more important to me since my oldest sister passed. I would always help her get the dye ready for the little ones. The first Easter after, no one helped me at all. I didn't ask, but... I don't think it occurred to anyone. My remaining older sister helped me last year. We set all the grandkids up around the dining room table and Grandma has at least 1 dozen eggs for each of them (5 or so usually make it these days). There was even a dozen there for Sasha last year! (She was only 7 months old.)

I would like holidays to feel less... forced. There have been many times I've been too broke to really be doing Giftmas and even went further into debt to do it. These days I make a lot of my presents and I'm proud of that fact. (My ex-husband was patently against handmade gifts.)

I've seen families that camp together and take family vacations. I kind of envied that. Heck, I've envied anyone that goes camping on their own. I only go to Girl Scout camp. We'll be living it once we get our RV, though. I hope to do some campfire cooking and everything!

I don't know that my new little family has created any holiday traditions of our own... oh wait, there is one! Elmo and I pick out an ornament each year. It is generally one of those flat brass ones from Walmart, but we choose based on what is going on in our lives. This will only be our third Giftmas together. Our first year, we chose one with a cat. (He had 2 cats then.) Our second year, we got one with a baby (since it was Sasha's first Giftmas). We haven't chosen yet this year, but it has been on my mind each time we go for a grocery run.

We've only been married for 1 year and for our first anniversary we chose to go with the traditional list. (First year is paper.) We will likely stick with those traditions now and I think it makes for a fun challenge.

Mostly, I hope that our children love our family traditions and never (or at the very least rarely) feel obligated to participate.

***

Visit Code Name: Mama and Hobo Mama to find out how you can participate in the next Carnival of Natural Parenting!

Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants:

• Traditions? What traditions? — Olivia at Write About Birth needs your advice: how can she make the most of the holiday season in a new country with only her immediate family? (@writeaboutbirth)
• TRADITION!!!!!! — Ella at My Intentional Journey reminds us all to be thankful for family traditions; there are those who have none.
• tradition! — Stefanie at Very, Very Fine came to realize that families can make incredible memories, even if they're not wealthy (or organized).
• Taking a child's perspective on traditions — Lauren at Hobo Mama wants to keep in mind how important even the mundane traditions will be to her little ones. (@Hobo_Mama)
• Sunday Dinners and Lullabies — Kat at Loving {Almost} Every Moment finds traditions in the small things throughout the year.
• Simple Family Advent Traditions — Michelle at The Parent Vortex crafted a set of advent bags with daily surprises to eat and to do. (@TheParentVortex)
• Parenting: Family Meetings - A Timeless Tradition — Amy Phoenix at Innate Wholeness discusses a year-round tradition in her household: Family Meetings. (@InnateWholeness)
• Our Mindful Holidays — They may not be "traditional" traditions, but they fit the family of Kellie at Our Mindful Life.
• Our Holiday Traditions, New and Old — Even with three young children, Kristin at Intrepid Murmurings is finding ways to be intentional and meaningful about holiday traditions. (@sunfrog)
• Our Cupcake Custom — Amy at Anktangle knows celebrations need minimal excuse and lots of cupcakes! (@anktangle)
• On the bunny slope of tradition-making — Jessica Claire at Crunchy-Chewy Mama is finding her groove as a holistic-minded mama with a joyful holiday spirit. (@crunchychewy)
• No, Virginia, There Is Not a Santa Claus — Just because her family is not going to do Santa, does not mean that Sheila at A Gift Universe can't instill some mystery and magic into Christmas. (@agiftuniverse)
• New Traditions — Becky at Future Legacy shares a few traditions she is starting for her family, including popovers, a birthday banner, and service.
• My Holiday Family Traditions — The Artsymama continues a long tradition of adopting family members and sharing two favorite games that work well for a crowd.
• Mindfully Creating Family Traditions — Alison at BluebirdMama has ideas for celebrating birthdays, Valentine's Day, and Christmas — though her family's still figuring some of it out. (@bluebirdmama)
• Memorable Traditions — Lori Ann at MamaWit follows four mindful steps when instituting any tradition.
• Let's Talk Traditions — Lily, aka Witch Mom shares her family's traditions that are centered on the wheel of the year. (@lilyshahar)
• Homeschool Christmas — Deb Chitwood at Living Montessori Now did not always celebrate the Christmas season in the same way with her family, but they always celebrated together. (@DebChitwood)
• Holidays, food and family — For Kristen at Adventures in Mommyhood, the holidays are about family and food. (@crunchymamato2)
• Giving Christmas to the Critter — Rachael at The Variegated Life has found a way to tie her Zen practices to the Christmas story of the baby in the manger. (@RachaelNevins)
• Family Traditions + To Santa Or Not To Santa — Stop by Natural Parents Network to discover some of the traditions from other natural parents. NPN is also featuring snippets of posts from NP bloggers on the topic of whether to encourage children to believe in Santa Claus. (@NatParNet)
• Family Tradition Origins — Momma Jorje discusses her family's traditions, and her desire not to make anyone feel obligated to conform to them.
• Everyday Traditions — For Mandy at Living Peacefully with Children it's the small, daily traditions that make life special.
• Establishing Traditions and Older Child Adoption — MrsH at Fleeting Moments is trying to find ways to start traditions with a family that was made very quickly through birth and adoption.
• Emerging Family Traditions — Melodie at Breastfeeding Moms Unite! shares some of her favorite birthday and Christmas traditions. (@bfmom)
• Does Rebellion Count? — Seonaid at the Practical Dilettante has instituted a day of rest and PJs at her house on Christmas. (@seonaid_lee)
• December Carnival of Natural Parenting: Family Traditions — Sybil at Musings of a Milk Maker tries to give her girls a mix of traditions to foster togetherness — but worries that not being near extended family is a disconnect.
• Craft-tea Christmas Celebrations — Lucy at Dreaming Aloud created a delicious Christmas tradition that she named "Craft-tea."
• A Christmas Tradition — Luschka at Diary of a First Child knows that even though she won't be able to have her usual holiday traditions this year, the important thing is that she has her family. (@lvano)
• Celebrations without the Holiday — Asha at Meta Mom shares several ways to celebrate the winter holidays without focusing on religious traditions. (@metamomma)
• Celebrating the Journey We Have Traveled Together — Acacia at Be Present enjoys the chance to draw closer to her family during the Christmas holiday.
• Celebrating Motherhood — Do you celebrate the day you became a mother? Dionna at Code Name: Mama offers some ideas for traditions to mark your passage into motherhood. (@CodeNameMama)
• Celebrate! Winter Traditions Brought Home. — At True Confessions of a Real Mommy, TrueRealMommy and her family are celebrating many different religions and traditions this month. Stop by to see their schedule of events. (@TrueRealMommy)
• "Always Ready", Holiday Style — Amy at Toddler In Tow discovered that it's not the traditions themselves, but the emotional experience behind them that makes them special.