Raised by a Special Needs Mom

Welcome to the March 2012 Carnival of Natural Parenting: Parenting With Special Needs

This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Carnival of Natural Parenting hosted by Hobo Mama and Code Name: Mama. This month our participants have shared how we parent despite and because of challenges thrown our way. Please read to the end to find a list of links to the other carnival participants.

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Someone inspired me to take a different approach to this topic. I'm sure there are plenty of posts about having children with special needs. I even have a son with special needs myself. I'd like to share some things about being raised by a single mother that was handicapped.

Mom hated this photo of her as a girl in a hospital trying to blow bubbles. I have always adored it. I know those were bad times, but this picture has always made me smile.

My mother got polio as a young child. It effected her lungs as well as her bones. Her feet stayed very tiny throughout her life. Her lungs were weak. She spent part of her youth in an iron lung. Remember being told to ask your parents where they were when they heard JFK had been shot? My mother was in a hospital bed in her living room.

She spent far too much time in hospitals for only one lifetime. But wasn't she gorgeous?

Our situation lead to some special circumstances. For instance, my mother couldn't spank my brother and I because we could always get away from her. Back then (late seventies / early eighties), apartment complexes that were handicap accessible did not allow children. I think this was because most of their tenants were elderly, not parents. This made it difficult for her to find homes, but we still managed to move every year.

As a small child, I have fond memories of helping slide jeans over my mother's braces each day. I remember laying my head in her lap to have her change my earrings and how uncomfortable her leg braces were on my head. I stepped into liquor stores as a child to request assistance at the car because it would have taken much longer (and more effort) for my mother to go inside. I helped with a lot of errands.

I needed to know from a young age how to call 9-1-1. My mother walked using leg braces and crutches. She would occasionally fall down and get hurt. I rode in the front seat of an ambulance a few times. Then there was the time she broke her arm...

It was just my mom and me. She couldn't really function with only one arm. She had a bedside commode (toilet to you young whippersnappers). With only two of us in the house, who do you think had to empty it?

My mother later (during my adulthood) expressed how bad she felt for putting me in that position. No child should have to clean up after their parent in that way. I've had an aversion to adult feces ever since! Not that you generally have to encounter another adult's feces, but the thoughts / aversion are there!

As a preteen, we attended church regularly. I remember seeing children staring at my mother. Its what children do, they didn't understand and were fascinated. I did understand, but couldn't relate to their need to stare. I shot them dramatically hateful glares. My mother was more understanding, but she'd been this way her entire life.

Speaking of churches, there for a while we were going to a different church each week - trying to find the right fit. We went to one where they decided that the entire congregation should lay hands on my mother to heal her. Everyone that could reach her touched her. It was a terrifying experience for me.

Handicap bathroom stalls weren't available everywhere then. And even when they were, they weren't always set up so that my mother could get up on her own. Even when I was fairly small, I learned to help pull my mom back up to a standing position. I was absolutely her little helper.

Photo Credit: D Sharon Pruitt

I grew up getting irritated with people that weren't handicapped, but took handicapped parking spaces. I still get defensive when people comment that it is no big deal or they see a parking pass but don't see the handicap. It might not be something you can see. My mother once walked (on braces and crutches) out to her car to find a police officer writing her a ticket for parking in a handicap space. She had forgotten to put her visor down (the parking passes used to go over your visor). She still got the ticket, despite her standing right there, obviously handicapped.

I have a lot of childhood memories that are likely different than "typical" childhood experiences. How has someone with special needs effected your life?

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Visit Hobo Mama and Code Name: Mama to find out how you can participate in the next Carnival of Natural Parenting!

Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants:

• Parenting A Child With Neutropenia — Jennifer at Hybrid Rasta Mama discusses the challenge of parenting a young child who cannot produce enough neutrophils to fight off bacterial infections.
• How I Love My High Need Baby — Shannon at GrowingSlower was shocked to find she is parenting a high-needs baby, but she's surviving thanks to attachment parenting.
• We're a Lot Like You — kaidera at Our Little Acorn talks about how her family is similar to others, even with all their special needs
• The Emotional Components of Bonding with Preemies — Having a premature baby can bring on many unexpected emotions for parents, but working through those emotions can bring about a wonderful bonding experience. Adrienne at Natural Parents Network shares.
• Raising a babe with IUGR: from birth through the toddler years — Rachel at Lautaret Bohemiet shares the story of how her son’s post-birth IUGR diagnosis affected his first days of life and gave her an unexpected tutorial in advocating for their rights as a family.
• When a grandparent has a disability — Shannon at Pineapples & Artichokes shares how she has approached explaining her mother's disability to her young child.
• Taking The Time To Really See Our Children — Sam at Love Parenting writes about her experiences working with children with various disabilities and how it has affected her parenting style.
• Natural Parenting In An Unnatural Environment — Julie at What I Would Tell You gives us a glimpse into how she improvised to be a natural parent against all odds.
• Getting Through the NICU — Laura at Authentic Parenting gives a few pointers on how to deal with your newborn's stay in the NICU.
• Living With Sensory Processing Disorder — Christy at Adventures in Mommyhood talks about the challenges that can come from living with a child who has SPD.
• Our rules for NICU - March Carnival — Hannabert's Mom shares her family's rules for family and friends of a NICU baby.
• Letter from Mineral's Service Dog — Erika at Cinco de Mommy imagines the letter that accompanies her special needs son's Service Dog.
• Blessings in Unexpected Places — That Mama Gretchen welcomes an inspiring guest post from a dear friend who shares about the blessings that come from a child with Down syndrome.
• Tube Feeding with a Blenderized Diet of Whole Foods — Erica at ChildOrganics shares her experiences with using real food when feeding her daughter who was unable to feed herself and needed a feeding tube.
• Abbey and Evan — Amyables at Toddler In Tow writes about watching her preschooler play with her friend who is autistic and deaf, and wonders how she can explain his special needs better.
• How to Minimise the Chance of a {Genetically Prone} Child Being Diagnosed with ADHD — Christine at African Babies Don’t Cry shares her tips on keeping a child who is genetically prone to ADHD from suffering the effects.
• Tough Decisions: Parenting With Special Needs — Brenna at Almost All The Truth shares what has been keeping her up at night worrying, while spending her days discovering just what her options are for her precocious child.
• Life with my son — For Dr. Sarah at Good Enough Mum, life with an autistic child is just another variation on the parenting experience.
• Dear Special Needs Mama — Sylvia at MaMammalia writes a letter of encouragement to herself and other mamas of special needs children.
• His Voice — Laura at WaldenMommy relives the day her son said his first sentence.

• What is 'wrong' with you' The challenge of raising a spirited child — Tara at MUMmedia discusses the challenges of raising a child who is 'more' intense, stubborn, and strong willed than your average child.
• Tips for Parenting a Child With Special Medical Needs — Jorje of Momma Jorje shares her shortlist of tips she's learned in parenting a newborn with special medical needs in a guest post at Becoming Crunchy.
• Parenting the Perfectionist Child — Mandy at Living Peacefully with Children discusses that as parents of gifted children, we are in the unique position to help them develop the positive aspects of their perfectionism.
• Montessori-Inspired Special Needs Support — Deb Chitwood at Living Montessori Now gives a list of websites and blogs with Montessori-inspired special-needs information and activities.
• Accommodating Others' Food Allergies — Ever wonder how to handle another family's food allergies or whether you should just skip the play date altogether? At Code Name: Mama, Dionna's friend Kellie (whose family has a host of allergies) shares how grateful she is when friends welcome them, as well as a list of easy snacks you can consider.
• Only make promises you can keep — Growing up the child of a parent with a chronic illness left a lasting impact on Laura of A Pug in the Kitchen and what she is willing to promise for the future.
• A Mom and Her Son — Jen at Our Muddy Boots was fortunate to work with a wonderful family for several summers, seeing the mother of this autistic son be his advocate, but not in the ways she thought.
• Guest Post from Maya at Musings of A Marfan Mom — Zoie at TouchstoneZ is honored to share a guest post from Maya, who writes about effective tools she has found as a parent of two very special boys.
• You Don't Have to Be a Rock — Rachael at The Variegated Life finds steadiness in allowing herself to cry.
• When Special Needs Looks "Normal" — Amy at Anktangle writes about her experience with mothering a son who has Sensory Processing Disorder. She offers some tips (for strangers, friends, and loved ones) on how to best support a family dealing with this particular neurological challenge.
• Special Needs: Limitation or Liberation? — Melissa of White Noise describes the beauty in children with special needs.
• How I Learned It'll Be Okay — Ashley at Domestic Chaos reflects on what she learned while nannying for a boy with verbal delays.
• Attachment Parenting and Depression — Shannon at The Artful Mama discusses how attachment parenting has helped her get a clearer image of herself as a parent and of her depression.
• On invisible special needs & compassion — Lauren at Hobo Mama points out that even if we can't see a special need, it doesn't mean it's not there.
• Thoughts on Parenting Twins — Kristin at Intrepid Murmurings shares her approach to parenting twins.
• ABCs of Breastfeeding in the NICU — Jona at Breastfeeding Twins offers tips for establishing breastfeeding in the alphabet soup of the NICU.
• Life With Michael - A Mother's Experience of Life With Aspergers Disorder — At Diary of a First Child, Luschka's sister-in-law Nicky shares her experience as mother to a child on the Autism Spectrum. It is filled with a mother's love and devotion to her child as an individual, not a label.
• Raised by a Special Needs Mom — Momma Jorje shares what it was like growing up as the daughter of a mother with a handicap.
• Becoming a Special Needs Mom — Ellen at These Broken Vases shares about becoming the mother of a child with Down syndrome
• She Said It Was "Vital" — Alicia of Lactation Narration (and My Baby Sweets) discusses the conflict she felt when trying to decide whether therapy was necessary for her daughter.